Zoe at a party in Winchester, MA circa 1984
(Like the hair?)
I think that I already mentioned that I have been an avid journaler since the age of 15. It started while I was in a program for minority students called A Better Chance (ABC). I went to school and lived in a small town called Darien, Connecticut for 2 1/2 years. I was 1 of 6 minority females who lived there. And it was hard, especially because in the mid 80’s multiculturalism was not the business. It was not cool for the kids who went school with me to know 80’s hip hop, 80’s urban slang, or anything “urban” for that matter.
Writing became my way of checking in with myself because I was invisible and didn’t exist for a big part of my day. I needed to stay in touch with me. Of course, now I say that. As 15 year old girl, I didn’t have a clue as to why it became an important part of my regimen. I just felt compelled to get my thoughts, ideas, fears, prayers, wishes, out of my head and on paper. And I did it so freely and regularly. I say that back then, writing saved my life.
Throughout my life my journaling has changed and there were times that it stopped all together. Funny thing is it usually stopped when I was in a “good” relationship, then started back up when the relationship turned “bad”. Then I remember at some point my journal became a book of prayers. I was having trouble praying out loud. I hated fumbling my words to the Lord so I decided to write down my prayers. I did so earnestly and intently for about two years. It made me feel like David of the Bible. That journal really means a lot to me and I still make it a point to read it on a regular.
Now, this blog thing is taking my journaling to another level. Here are some random thoughts about blogging (and other stuff) that permitted me to get only 4 hours sleep this morning:
- What’s in my head is becoming public. It’s kinda scary to let others into my head. Not because I think you think that I am crazy because I already know that I am. It’s scary because I might run out of things to say. Or better yet, I might run out of clever things to say. Who wants to read a blog that reads like a homework assignment, right? (I have to figure out a way to get Imani to read my blogs. The other day I was so desperately trying to persuade her to start reading them. She told me “Mom, they (my blogs) make me feel like I am reading homework.”
- Public is the new private, in this case. I think I am going to make everyone sign a privacy disclaimer! You know, like when you sign the HIPPA paper at the doctor’s office every time you visit. I’m just not sure what I will put in the disclaimer, though. I still have to think about that.
- Sometimes it’s good not to have anything to say. I need to practice silence like my friend Mary Jo did. The only thing was although she wasn’t speaking, she was writing. I might have to flip my vow of silence to speaking and not writing. So don’t be mad if I don’t post anything for a stretch of time. I might be in my silent mode.
- I mentioned before that gonegirlgo™ and this push forward is connected to a spiritual element for me. It is hard for me not to put it there in my mind. I have defined my forward movement and again, your forward movement is going to be different than mine. The key to this thing is for all of us to push against stereotypes, prejudice and bias as we embark on this journey together. I don’t want to turn anyone off who may not believe what I believe. But I do believe that gonegirlgo™ is for anyone, regardless of the role of spirituality in their life.
- I love Esparanza Spalding (these are random thoughts, remember?) and I can’t wait til I see her in concert.
- In some kinda way, I have to make a connection to pushing forward and going in my high heel shoes. They give me super power. (clickety clack, clickety clack…that’s the sound of my heels pounding on the pavement as I prance on by…)
- Ummm…I’m all out of random thoughts.
It’s always my pleasure to let you in my head. It’s humbling, refreshing, and satisfying. Peace z
